we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
