She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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