You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
