The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
