I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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