If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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