i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
