before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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