So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
