Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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