I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
