You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize