My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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