people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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