i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
