I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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