when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
