I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
