I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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