You can't special order awesome
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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