Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
