This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it glows. i had to have it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
