We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
