dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to make out with him forever
I have fence marks all over my body
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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