yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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