Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
