I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
