don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
