You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got inside last night via doggy door
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
