I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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