And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
