I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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