Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
BRING THE BAGELS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
