dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Barsexuality is the new black.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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