id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize