I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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