Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
