I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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