I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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