i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
