what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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