when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
