Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
