Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And then he peed in my hair
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
