Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize