In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
