Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
