i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
