dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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