you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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