Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
