Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
