That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
