ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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