So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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