I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
