i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
