I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
