never play flip cup with pint glasses
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
