Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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