so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
