she was so not down for the gang bang
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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