i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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