At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize