At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
