come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
