I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
