i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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