it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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