So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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