Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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